The Tender Mercies Behind the Kjar Family Adoptions
Ben and LaCol Kjar spent ten years trying to become parents. Their story, now told in the movie Standout, which opened in theaters across the country in January 2026, includes four rounds of IVF, two miscarriages, two adoption matches that fell apart, and then, in a little over a year, three children. Their two baby reveal videos have been viewed, by Ben's count, more than one hundred million times across platforms.
In this recent episode of the Latter-day Saints Adoptions podcast, the Kjars sat down with Donna Pope, Executive Director of Heart to Heart Adoptions and the person who walked beside them through every placement, to share the parts of the story the movie never showed. What follows gathers those behind the scenes moments, the tender mercies the family counted along the way, and what their experience offers anyone considering adoption within the faith.
Ten Years of Waiting
The Kjars always planned to adopt. Their original picture had biological children coming first and adoption after, but a decade of infertility rearranged the order. Four rounds of IVF brought two pregnancies, and both ended in miscarriage at about ten weeks, a boy and a girl. They grieved, regrouped, and turned toward adoption sooner than expected, working through a private attorney in California who connected them with expectant mothers.
Two matches fell apart, at real financial and emotional cost, and by early 2019 the Kjars were in the darkest stretch of their lives. Ben remembers praying in frustration one night, asking God whether the thing they were seeking was even good. The answer came faster than either of them expected. Shortly after that prayer, their California contact called about a baby who had already been born through a different agency. Their answer took no deliberation at all.
A Flight Taken on Faith
On the other side of that call was Donna Pope, who was in Detroit supporting a birth mother whose chosen family had backed out after the baby was born. Donna was in a Walmart, buying clothes and essentials for the birth mother, when she learned the placement had collapsed. She told her team she needed a family immediately, and her team found the Kjars. They booked a flight without telling a soul. Their parents had no idea. Nobody knew.
Donna met them when they landed, and Ben describes her as a strong force of decision who was somehow comforting at the same time, exactly what two exhausted people needed. Donna's own attention was on the birth mother, a woman who had already chosen one family and now had to open her heart to another on short notice. What settled it for Donna was watching the Kjars walk in with immediate love for both the birth mother and the birth father. That kind of openness is now the norm rather than the exception in American adoption. A 2012 report from the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute found that about 95 percent of domestic infant adoptions in the United States involve some level of openness between birth and adoptive families, with fully closed adoptions shrinking to about 5 percent.
A Name Given Twice
Ben carried a private worry into that hospital. Born with a facial difference, he had always wondered how an expectant mother reviewing family profiles would see him. The birth mother answered that worry within minutes of meeting them, asking if they wanted to meet their baby boy. LaCol describes the relationship that began in that room as sacred, and the word fits what happened next.
Paperwork had to be signed the following day, and the Kjars needed a boy's name on no notice. After years of girl matches, they had a thousand dollars of pink clothing waiting at home. That night, Ben woke at three in the morning and could not sleep for two hours as one name pressed itself on his mind. At the hospital, the birth mother told them she had written down a name she loved, a name meaning protective warrior, and that they were free to change it. The name she had chosen was Liam, the same name that had come to Ben in the night. LaCol turned to her husband and asked if he had told her. He had not.
Another Baby, Another Decision
Moments after the signing, the Kjars stepped into the hallway and found Donna hanging up a phone call. Another birth mother, in a town nearby, was due in two days. Donna laid out the conditions that would have to be met, including agreement from Liam's birth mother, agreement from the new birth mother, an addendum from their home study provider, and financial readiness. The Kjars met the criteria. The harder question was whether their hearts were ready.
At first Ben was certain and LaCol was hesitant. Overnight, they traded places. The morning they were to meet the second birth mother again, Ben was overwhelmed by doubt so heavy he could not eat, and LaCol found herself furious and confused after having already held the baby girl and loved her.
The Prayer in the Bathroom
While Ben phoned Donna, LaCol knelt at a stall in the hospital bathroom and prayed with an ultimatum, asking God for the clearest answer of her life before she walked back out. Downstairs, Donna offered counsel that the Kjars still return to. She asked them to imagine Ben's mother sitting beside them and to consider what she would say. She reminded them that opposition tends to arrive right before something good, that they should make the decision and then make it right, and that instead of waiting for one large confirming miracle, they should look back at all the small ones that had already lined up.
As Donna spoke, LaCol says she saw and heard Ben's own mother in her, and she understood the doubt had surfaced so that she could gain her own certainty. They went back upstairs, and they never looked back. That turn from doubt to certainty is the common ending. The federal Adoption USA chart book, built on the National Survey of Adoptive Parents, reports that 87 percent of adopted children have parents who said they would definitely make the same decision to adopt, knowing everything they know now. Their daughter Rowan was born five days after Liam.
Counting the Little Miracles
Later, on a hallway walk, Donna shared a reflection she had drawn that week out of the account of Adam and Eve, noting that there came a point when Eve led out for the sake of the children, and that this was a moment for LaCol to lead out in their family. It joined a growing list of small mercies the Kjars now recite like a family scripture. Among them were these.
The name Liam arriving in the night and again in the birth mother's handwriting
Money from a collapsed land deal sitting in the bank at the exact amount the second adoption required
A popped rental car tire forced hours of conversation with Donna, right when the biggest decision of their lives needed talking through
Liam's release timed so he could meet his sister on her first day
A month away with no visitors, which let them bond with each newborn individually
Donna, who has spent more than 25 years in adoption work, told the Kjars she had never seen so many small miracles line up in a single placement. On the podcast she points to a teaching she attributes to Elder Bednar, that people who simply live faithfully are living in revelation without noticing it, and that a popped tire is not revelation, but where it leads can be providence.
Room for One More
A year later, at dinner with family, Ben's phone lit up with a text from Donna. Liam's birth mother was expecting again and wanted the siblings to stay together. It was early 2020, their savings were spent, and Ben had to borrow from a cousin, who agreed the moment he heard what the loan was for. Their youngest, Kempton, made the boys biological brothers 13 months apart, with Rowan between them. LaCol admits the timing stretched her, and she is open about wishing for six more months of breathing room, which makes the family's wholeness now feel even more like grace.
Asked how the family handles having two biologically related children and one who is not, Ben rejects the premise that it changes anything. He says he would not be able to tell the difference in his love between a biological child and his children now, that Rowan is loved exactly as the boys are, and that she plants herself in the middle of her protective warrior brothers everywhere they go.
The research echoes what the Kjars live. According to the federal Adoption USA chart book built on the National Survey of Adoptive Parents, more than nine in ten adopted children ages five and older have parents who describe their child's feelings about the adoption as positive or mostly positive. And adoption keeps reaching new families at scale. The National Council For Adoption's Adoption by the Numbers report estimated that 115,353 children were adopted in the United States in 2019.
Key Takeaways
God's timing in adoption often becomes visible only in hindsight, so keep a record of the small mercies as they come
Doubt before a major decision can be part of the process rather than a verdict against it
Donna's counsel holds beyond adoption. Make the decision, then make it right
Birth mothers and birth fathers deserve love, dignity, and a lasting place in the family's story
Waiting for one large confirming sign misses the dozens of small confirmations already given
A Victor Mentality
The Kjars would say their family was not assembled by luck. It was gathered, one tender mercy at a time, through a decade of waiting that taught them to see trials differently. Ben now describes walking into hard seasons with a victor mentality instead of a victim mentality, expecting purpose on the other side, because the hardest stretch of his life ended with three children who were always meant to find their way home.
If this story stirred something in you, the Latter-day Saints Adoptions podcast was made for you, and so was the team behind it. Reach out to Heart to Heart Adoptions with your questions, and Get the Free LDS Adoption Guide at LatterDaySaintsAdoptions.org. Sometimes the family you were meant for is the one you choose.
#LatterDaySaintsAdoptions #BenAndLaColKjar #Standout #TenderMercies
Follow or Subscribe to Latter-day Saints Adoptions on your favorite platform
Website: LatterDaySaintsAdoptions.org | YouTube: @Latter-Day-Saints-Adoptions
Follow Donna Pope (Host, Executive Director of Heart to Heart Adoptions)
LinkedIn: @donna-pope | Website: HeartToHeartAdopt.com
Follow Ben Kjar
Website: benkjar.com | Instagram: @benkjar | Facebook: Ben Kjar | YouTube: @benkjar2609 | LinkedIn: Ben Kjar
Follow LaCol Kjar
Instagram: @lacolkjar | Facebook: LaCol Kjar
Follow Standout Film
Website: standoutfilm.com | Facebook: Standout Film | Instagram: @standout.film
Comments